>Open/Thoughts In The Sleepless Night.zzz

>There is so much sadness amongst the pixals of my past. Without the darkness we can never see the light. And if we couldn't survive pawing our way through the dark... How would we deal with the blindness caused by our reality's nuclear brightness? My brain is a master at rationalizing the unrationable and over analyzing nothing. I just cannot ever let go. Sometimes the silly worry that plagues my present, is the one memory I think would be best forgotten... Erased. I admire the harsh truth that this knowledge was intended. It creates so much inner turmoil. Self-doubting... with it having nothing to do with me, it was the convinence of the moment. Arrived and gone in moments. I never want to think on it again... But it now has a hold of me forever. How can I not stare and wonder? I know it is only my mind helping me.... but my mind is very good at tricking me. Its illusions of my worse fears are so easily brought to reality. It is hard not to lay in the darkness and wonder "if". If anything, it is nothing and will always be nothing. I will make certain of that. Now if only I could erase a single line of data. One discovery to be undiscovered. Nieveaty, man would it be a slice of bliss. I wish I could force myself not to think on these particular things but when someone is your life, one doesn't get much of a choice. So I lay eyes upon my bed-mate, companion and a smile is born because I love him so much and I feel so ashamed of any digressions, it will always hurt. That is part of the pain endured when love is tested. If I was numb to it, it wouldn't be real. I know now the difference between infatuation and love. And I almost let infatuation win to ruin everything. With love, things are not story book perfection or butterflies, but with life... imperfections are the creators of beauty in everything. Without change there is no life. Moments are frozen in our minds forever but they are but a reminder that we live, each day knowing we only know what we know until we learn something more, until another moment is frozen inside. I live my life and it can only get better... Until the zombie apocalypse, of course, them I am fucked.